1、有他这颗扫帚星，什么事情都办不成。
2、Lifeisnotarace,butajourneytobesavoredeachstepoftheway.生活不是一场竞赛，而是一段旅程，每一步都该细细品味。
3、Learntochoose,toforsake,toendureloneliness,toresisttemptation.
4、懂得选择，学会放弃，耐得住寂寞，经得起诱惑。
5、努力不一定成功，但放弃一定失败！
6、Iwantyoutobehy.ButIwanttobethereason.
7、-Whydon'tscientiststrustatoms?Becausetheymakeupeverything!(为什么科学家不信任原子？因为它们构成了一切！)
8、Ifyouwanttobehy,be.如果你想要幸福，就要幸福。
9、-Itoldmywifeshewasdrawinghereyebrowstoohigh.Shelookedsurprised.(我告诉我的妻子她的眉毛画得太高了。她看起来很惊讶。)
10、[误]Withacometlikehim,nothingcanbeaccomplished。
11、everydayandineverywayi"mgettingbetter.
12、-Whydidthetomatoturnred?Becauseitsawthesaladdressing!(为什么番茄变红了？因为它看到了沙拉酱！)
13、Inordertobeirreplaceable,onemustalwaysbedifferent.
14、"Drew,"Iscolded,"noonecanunderstandayou'resaying.
15、Salesman:"They'reonly$7each."
16、"I'madentist,"myhusbandexplained
17、Salesman:"Butthesecookiesaremuchmoreconvenient.Youcaneatthemonthego,withouthavingtopeelorcorethem."
18、敢于尝试，就等于你已经向成功迈出了第一步。
19、Customer:"Soundsamazing!Howmuchdotheycost?"
20、Daretotry,meansyouhavealreadytakenthefirststeptosuccess.
21、Whileeatinginarestaurant,Ireprimandedmyfour-year-oldsonforspeakingwithhismouthfull."MumpumnKmpfhm,"wasallIheard.
22、愿你有前进一寸的勇气，亦有后退一尺的从容。IwishIdidntcarewhenIdidntcare.
23、Customer:"That'stooexpensive!Icanbuylesfor$1each."
24、Becauseitisworthwaitingfor.Becauseoflovesopursue.Untilyouhavethetreasure.Ifyoudon'tleaveme.因为值得所以等待。因为深爱所以追求。直到拥有必定珍惜。你若不离我定不弃。
25、Customer:"Yes,butIpreferles."
26、"Hesayshewantssomeketchup,"myhusbandsaidcalmly. Awomansittingnearbyleanedoverandasked,"Howintheworlddidyouunderstandhim?"
27、Customer:"Hmm,thatdoesmakesense.Butstill,$7istoomuch."
28、Lifeislikearollercoaster.Thereareupsanddownsandsometimesyoujusthavetorideitout.生活就像过山车，有起有落，有时候你只能按部就班地把它走完。
29、Attemptdoesn'tnecessarilybringsuccess,butgivingupdefinitelyleadstofailure.
30、Salesman:"Great!Wehaveanewproductthatcombinesthebestofbothworlds:Cookiesthattastelikeles!"
31、我想要你幸福，但我希望我是你幸福的原因。
32、Salesman:"Well,atleastgivemeatry.Ifyoudon'tlikethem,youcanreturnthemforafullrefund."
33、Salesman:"Hi,sir.Doyoulikecookies?"
34、Ihatetwo-facedpeople.It'ssohardtodecidewhichfacetoslapfirst.
35、[正]Withajinxlikehim,nothingcanbeaccomplished。注：“扫帚星”是中国人对“慧星”(comet)的俗称，因其后面象拖着的一条像扫帚一样的长尾巴而得名。在中国古代，“扫帚星”被认为是灾难的预兆，并被用来比喻不吉利的人或事
36、哪有什么来日方长，从来都是三旬过场，人走茶凉。Wheretheresalongwaytogo,alwaysinMarch,peoplegototea。
37、-Iusedtoplaysoccerwithmygrandfather.Hewasverygoodatit.Nowhe'sinthecemetery.(我曾经和我的祖父一起踢足球，他非常擅长。现在他在墓地里。)
38、Ifyoudonotleaveme,Iwillalwaysbeatyoursideuntilltheendoflife.
39、Customer:"Alright,I'lltakeonethen."
40、要做到不可替代，就要与众不同。
41、-Whatdoyoucallfakespaghetti?Animpasta.(什么叫假意大利面？假意面条。)
42、I'mnotaddictedtoWechat!Youknow,IjustuseitwheneverIhavetime.Lunchtime,breaktime,bedtime,thattime,thistime,anytime,allthetime!
43、Whenawomansays“WHAT?”,it’snotbecauseshedidn'thearyou.She’sjustgivingyouachancetochangewhatyousaid.
44、Amanwhoisafraidoftakingriskswillneveraccomplishanythinginlife.一个害怕冒险的人永远也不会在生活中取得什么成就。
45、没有这种段子。因为上海话是一个名词，特指地方语言，英文是一个名词，特指外国语言，上海话跟英文没有什么关联，不能混为一谈更不具有搞笑的元素。